Today’s post was first blogged on http://www.3dmukblog.com

Today we’re exploring an issue that comes up frequently in our coaching huddles: how do we lead our peers?

If we are involved in leadership, inside or outside the church, there will inevitably come a time when we have to lead our peers. By peers, we mean those who are of the same age or stage of life to us. It’s often easier to lead those who are younger or even older than us. But leading our peers can present a number of different challenges.

To lead, or to be led, by peers often requires a great amount of emotional intelligence and resilience but if we are to be effective leaders of small groups, missional communities, or whole churches we need to face this challenge, wrestle through this issue and allow God to help us come out the other side.

We’d love to hear what you’ve learnt from your experiences (both good & bad) and the wisdom you’ve picked up along the way. Post them in the comments section or email us at admin@3dmuk.com so we can continue to grow and help others grow.

We asked Rich Robinson, director of 3dm UK & Europe, to give his thoughts on this issue:

Years ago, when I first started leading the kids work at St Thomas Church, Philadelphia most of my team were either my peers or a few years younger. At that point I’d even recently trained on a discipleship course alongside some of those who had now become part of my team. There was potential for it to be quite an awkward dynamic. Fortunately, my team were incredibly gracious!  I learnt some helpful lessons, and developed some effective principles through this experience, which I’ve continued to use and develop since then. Below are some of those principles which I hope will be helpful to any of you who find yourselves in a situation where you are leading your peers:

# Godly character

This should always be core to any leader. Paul writes to Timothy to “teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity.”

As we demonstrate Godly character and integrity we both impart a powerful message to peers submitting to our leadership, and also create a culture that makes it easier for peers to trust us and so follow us.

# Clear vision 

It’s always important  to have, and communicate to others,  a clear picture of where you are going, whatit will look like when you get there, a sense of why you’re doing it and how you are going to get there.  This applies to any leadership role and dynamic but is especially important when leading peers. This helps to distinguish and define the leadership relationship with them even though you may be peers and helps them to see the prize and so join the journey with you.

# Clear communication

Good, clear communication can prevent a whole load of potential issues or problems, especially around expectations – both ways! Unspoken expectations are a common source of conflict in any relationship and this can be heightened with peers. Clarity and communication around roles, resources (money, time, effort), and relationship are key.

# Openness and honesty

We won’t get it right all the time. And neither will our peers! Being open and honest in our communication of how things are going is really helpful. Talk about where there are successes & breakthroughs and where there are struggles and tensions. This is particularly important when leading peers as there is less distance, in terms of time, experience, and maturity than when we lead others, so there is a greater potential for tension or conflict.

# Internal process 

Leading peers often brings up a variety of emotions in us; fears, insecurities, brokenness.  We need to be honest with the Lord and our leaders and mentors about those issues so that none of this brokenness holds us or those we are leading back. There is an opportunity  for God to bring us into greater wholeness, freedom and fruitfulness if we allow Him, and those we trust, into this process. Leading peers can be the crucible which produces greater depth and growth in us and therefore those around us.

# Lead peers but be open to their thoughts

Leading isn’t about forming a committee, or going with the “lowest common denominator”. Leaders need to lead, but we aim to lead as servant-leaders who are humble and respectful, remaining open to the wisdom held in the peers we lead.

# Recognise the cost 

As we step into leadership with peers it does involve a cost in relationship. This step isn’t fatal for relationship but there will be a cost at points! There will be times when we have to lead and we’re misunderstood or disliked which may leave us feeling lonely or isolated. These times are magnified when we are leading peers, especially if they are friends too. It is important to persevere……

# Persevere 

Leadership can feel lonely, and sometimes this can be exacerbated when we’re leading peers, as the dynamics in our relationships can change. There will be times where it feels like we’re in the Valley of the Shadow of Death – dark, cold, lonely – and a long way away from the ‘greener pasture’ we set off towards. This is the time for us to keep going in His strength, pray, and get others to pray for us and to remember the prize……

# Remember the prize 

We’re doing this for a God-given reason. When things are tough we need to hold onto the vision and remember why we are doing it. There will be a kingdom benefit and advancement through you and those you lead.

Many of these principles are applicable for whoever we are leading. But when we’re leading peers we need to be particularly sensitive to potential issues and be intentional in applying these principles. This will help to create a culture where both those leading and following can thrive and Kingdom potential can increase.

Today we are re-posting one of Mike Breen’s most recent blog posts from our US counterpart website, 3DM.  There will be a new Missional Communities book released this Autumn and details of how you can get hold of it in the UK will be posted here so keep an eye out!

Here is an excerpt from this new book exploring one of the most commonly skipped steps when starting Missional Communities.

We are excited to announce that after much hard work from the teams in the US and the UK, we will be launching Mike Breen’s most recent book – ‘Leading Kingdom Movements’ in the UK this Friday 7th June! In this book, Mike explores the key components of how to lead a Kingdom movement. Starting with Jesus, then through the lens of Paul and stories and principles seen in his own life, he offers a humble way forward in creating, growing and multiplying a Kingdom movement - read a short extract from it below.

Pre-order today at www.3dmuk.com/lkm for free UK delivery! (or the equivalent discount on EU/Worldwide shipping)

“If you visit Berlin today you will find one place where the wall still stands. On it is this quote: “Many small people doing many small things in many small places can change the face of the world.” Long before the wall came down, a reformation was rumbling around in the hearts of the people, forcing them to do many small things in many small places, over and over again. There is just such a restlessness in the people of God today. They sense there is a drift, and they long to be connected to a Christian faith that understands itself as part of something bigger, something movemental. Something of the Kingdom. This book isn’t about one movement, but a series of movements that form a larger whole that is the Kingdom of God. Lots of people. Lots of places. Chasing after where God is at work. This is nothing short of what Jesus was after.

In three years He unleashed a movement that would change the course of human history. What we see in the early church, and specifically in the person of Paul, are people who did something very simple that has profound meaning for us today: They did what Jesus taught them to do. Jesus taught his disciples how to lead a movement that would change the world. And it worked. What if we could learn those lessons again? There seem to be seasons where the world doesn’t just need change, but is actually begging for it. It’s aching for it, desperate for it. That’s how the world was in Jesus’ time. And I believe we find ourselves in that world today. This book is about learning to lead Kingdom movements that just might be able to produce that kind of change.”

Today we start a new topic on the blog that we will intersperse with the other regular topics.  ”What happens if…” is designed to help answer some of those questions for the times when things might not quite go ‘by the book’ (which, incidentally, can be quite a lot of the time!)

Questions like “What happens if…there is significant moral failure by a leader…leaders step down suddenly…you encounter strong opposition…people don’t turn up…you come up against fierce criticism from within…your MC grows too quickly….” and more! If you have any questions you would like answered along these lines then drop us a line in the comments below and we will do our best to include them.

First off then, “What happens if…MC Leaders step down?” I write this as someone who is currently co-responsible for overseeing the MCs in our church, where this has happened before and only a few weeks ago has just happened again!

Leaders of an MC may step down for various reasons – redundancy or a new job meaning a move elsewhere, illness, burnout, bereavement, or other significant circumstances. You can find yourself in a position where those have been leading an MC, and doing a great job of it, suddenly find themselves unable to lead any longer. What do you do then?

Firstly, don’t panic! There can be a tendency for both those in the community and those responsible for the MC to be fearful of this unexpected change, to feel pressure from different sides to make decisions that might fix the problem in the short-term, but actually be unwise ones.  There can also be a desire to control the situation as much as possible, instead of waiting on God and holding your nerve to see what He wants to do and say.  There is an opportunity here to allow God to speak and to perhaps shake things up a bit in a good way.

Assess the current position with regards to who else there is in terms of potential leadership.  How far round the Leadership Square have the MC Leaders already taken anyone else (if they did it it all!)?  Who else do you have who have been part of the team leading the MC?  Who can you see is totally committed to the vision of the MC?  You may find that you have potential leaders in the making, who perhaps might never have stepped up if not for the opportunity they are now faced with.  These people might be reluctant: “I’m happy to stand in as a short-term solution”, “I’ll do it if there’s no-one else”, so it might be an idea to have a coffee with them and tell them what potential and skills you see in them.  If you think they are capable of leading the MC then encourage them, offering training and coaching in whatever areas they feel they lack.  Assure them that you will be close at hand to help them step up and lead the community.

It’s also worth letting them know that they are free to lead the MC in their identity and according to their giftings and skills – don’t expect them to lead as the last leaders led, they must be released and encouraged to shape the MC in their own way.  As beginner MC Leaders they may not feel confident to lead as well as the previous leaders – encourage them that that’s ok and you are not looking for ‘perfect’ leaders, that their vision and reliance on God is more important than their skill.

What if there are no obvious leaders you can see and call up into leadership?  Firstly, and it bears repeating, don’t panic!  Then pray, seek God and listen to what He wants to say.  Don’t be afraid to include the Missional Community in this process.  Don’t feel that you have to get it all ‘sorted’ for them.  Trust God to speak to and through the community itself for the next step. MCs often go through different phases of their life together and in between each phase there is often a time of coming together, praying and seeking the Lord for what next. It may be worth calling a ‘vision’ evening where you might invite others who are not part of the MC but whom you think might be interested to hear the vision and decide whether this is something they want to be a part of and even commit to leading.

Sometimes, this will lead to the MC finishing and people moving on to do different things with different God-given visions.  At other times you may sense that God still wants the vision to continue, that this is just a time of pruning, so trust that if God has given the vision and he wants to see it fulfilled then He will provide leadership.  Then stand and be amazed at what God will do!

And through it all, keep communicating with team members and those in the MC so that they feel confident that you are with them in the process and have not left them to fend for themselves.

My personal experience is that God always makes it clear about where He is leading if we stop to listen and follow His whispers.

Helen Askew lives in Deal, Kent along with her two young children and husband Ben who is training for ordination. She works for St George’s Church with responsibility for everyone under 30 & also helps to coordinate Missional Communities. They lead an MC for young adults, are working to establish youth MCs and also work with 3DM UK from time to time!

Over the next few months 3DM UK are hosting 2 fantastic workshops designed to inform and inspire you in all things discipleship and mission.  For more information about the content of these days then click here.

The next 2 Workshop dates are:

Saturday 8th June 2013 in NORWICH - click here to book.

Saturday 13th July 2013 in SHEFFIELD - click here to book.

We hope to see you there!

Life doesn’t always go to plan. You get soaked on the way to work, despite the weatherman’s promises of a heat-wave; you burn the food for the important dinner guest; your compliment is taken offensively. Yet despite life’s clear message that things don’t always go to plan, we are often surprised when they go awry.

Missional communities, like many well-made plans, also go wrong. And that’s ok.

It’s important that we set a culture where there is freedom to fail. This is both a culture set by the church leadership, but also it’s important that as a missional community leader you give yourself the permission to not always get it right. Jesus didn’t choose the most qualified or well-educated to be his disciples: he chose those who were willing to follow him, knowing they would likely fail.

Me and my husband often joke that we’ve learnt more through where we’ve got it wrong in missional community than where we’ve done it right. But we’ve been privileged to have leaders who continued to invest in us and encouraged us, so that we didn’t just give up after the first try.

There are too many ways that things can go wrong to name them all here, but in case you’re wondering, here are a few examples that I’ve experienced or seen…

• Unbalanced missional communities – e.g. focussing mainly on the Up (relationship with God) and Out (relationship with non-Christians) elements of missional community, but having no focus on the In (relationship within community).
• Using language without explaining it – e.g. sharing some of the Lifeshapes tools, but not giving members of the missional community proper bible-based teaching so that they can fully understand what it means. This leads to a disconnect between the leaders and the members of the community.
• Lack of missional vision – with no clear focus on reaching the lost, missional communities can become inwardly-focussed, consumeristic and ‘cosy’.
• Failing to clearly communicate the missional vision – people misinterpret what they’ve signed up for and either make difficult demands on the leaders, get bored/frustrated or leave.
• Forgetting to raise up leaders within the missional community – the current leadership might be brilliant and this means lots of people join them, but there is no one ready to step up to lead new missional communities that might multiply from this original one.

In all of these potential failings (and many more besides) the important thing is to assess and reflect on what is happening within our missional community. This is why we use the Learning Circle: the process of observing, reflecting and discussing so that our perspective can be transformed by God, in order that we then make faith-filled plans which we are accountable for and take action on. (You can learn more about the Learning Circle and Lifeshapes tools at www.3dmuk.com)

This is a process of realising and responding to the weaknesses of ourselves as leaders and the communities we lead. The above examples can solicit a number of responses: sometimes the issue can be directly addressed and fairly quickly remedied; other times it takes a much longer overhaul of a community to bring things around; sometimes it takes a clean break, ending the community but then letting the leaders have space to process what happened and be ready to try again.

My top 3 tips for when it goes wrong…

Be thankful – in the midst of failure don’t miss the things that have actually been really good about your community. Remember the good things that God has done through it and the values that you have had which have been really positive. Particularly if you’ve decided to end the missional community, make sure you take space with the group to have a celebration of the journey you’ve been on.

Be honest – use the Learning Circle process to fully reflect on what it is that hasn’t worked. If you don’t have a good understanding of why things have gone wrong, you won’t learn from them next time and may overcompensate in an area that isn’t a problem.

Be brave – when you lead a missional community and things go wrong it can knock your confidence. Remember, Jesus put the responsibility of starting the church into the hands of Peter who’d just denied him and run home scared. We’re not called to be perfect, but we are called to ‘…press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ (Phil 3:14). Have another go – if it goes wrong, it won’t be as bad as the last time!

Helen and her husband Jon  live in Sheffield and are part of St Thomas’ Church, Philadelphia.  They’ve been part of and led missional communities for the past 5 years and are passionate about seeing young adults released into their missional vision.  Helen works for 3dmUK, a ministry which trains and equips church leaders in missional discipleship.

Photo from flickr 

This week’s post comes from a Missional Community leader from St George’s Church in Deal, Kent.  It’s his story of how the first Missional Community he led started, developed and grew. 

What exactly is going to Church? (or Martini Church – any time, any place, any where)

I grew up going to a lively Anglican Church in South London. My mum says it’s Surrey but she’s a bit posher than me. We all went every Sunday, at least once and sometimes twice. Mostly, this was a good experience.

As a grown adult living in Deal our Curate rocked our Church boat one morning in 2005. On Sunday mornings our building was uncomfortably full and she wanted us to stay away to leave some space for newcomers! Instead, our leaders encouraged us to do an alternative form of Church ourselves but somewhere else. The vision (for vision is essential) was to create communities that would, themselves, grow.

My wife, Jacqui, has more ideas than you can imagine. She talked about forming a group, called ‘Stepping Stones’, with a vision for reaching out to families with younger children. The vision has changed, or rather, developed as we’ve gone on and the way we’ve met has varied massively over the years. Our concept of what going to Church meant was so shaken and since we were tearing up the rule book anyway, we were free to experiment and adapt to find out what worked best for us. Interestingly, the children had fewer hang-ups than the adults. They just asked ‘is it big church or little church today?’

Our Church agreed on five core values (which we borrowed from Phil Potter) that each Missional Community would try to embrace

• All involved
• Becoming disciples
• Creating community
• Doing evangelism
• Encountering God

Initially, we succeeded in drawing in a number of families who had loose connections with the Church, gave them jobs to do and made sure they kept coming back! We basically ran a family friendly act of Worship on a Sunday afternoon (and soon on a Sunday morning instead) in the Church Hall and then in a local school. Getting away from Church buildings proved to be a good move. It was hard work but fun and relatively successful. People liked coming, felt valued and were committed to the group. We have been best at creating community but have never lost sight of our other values.

One Sunday morning we took about 20 adults and 20 kids 10-Pin Bowling in Margate. I felt so uncomfortable! How could this be Church? In fact, to me, it felt wrong! I started to chat with a Dad I’d never met. His daughter was starting soon at my kids’ Primary school. I knew his wife and daughter who came most weeks we did Stepping Stones, but less often to Big Church. We got chatting about sport, work, life in Deal, the kids’ school and so on. He enjoyed his day out with us and his wife was thrilled. He’d never been to anything run by the Church before. She described the event as ‘the most spiritual thing we’ve done’. He now comes to Church (big Church more than Stepping Stones) sometimes and he once came to an Alpha supper.

Stepping Stones grew. It became too big. It’s two MCs now, Sunday AM and One Step Beyond. Each has a separate and distinct vision although they overlap one another. People have come and gone but the vision for reaching out to people remains.

We have gone from being a group of people who go to Church to a group of people who do Church. It’s a much healthier arrangement.

Bruce Watson lives on the Kent coast and teaches Modern Foreign Languages. He taught for 3 ½ years in Pakistan, married the Science teacher & came back to England (where he planned to live happily ever after).

Photo courtesy of Milan G on flickr.com

Over the last few years of being involved in mission with young adults, I have always had it on my heart to lead and help others grow communities where people know that they are “sent”. I can remember long conversations – with both those who are Christians and those who are not – about how God is a sending God, that He sent Jesus to die for us and that He has now sent us into the broken world around us to represent Him and help see it restored into His image.

Within this, lots of us have (slowly!) learned how to get better at knowing who God has sent us to and how we can be good news to those around us. However, what I have realised along with others that have shared this journey with me is this: it’s not just who He has sent us TO, but who He has sent us WITH that’s important.

I think there are 2 key things within this that God has taught us:

1. We PARTNER WITH HIM

Matt 28:19 – “Go and make disciples… and surely I am with you, even until the end of the age.”

So there is this great paradox with living in the Kingdom – that God sends us, but is also with us. Confusing? Maybe. Reassuring? Definitely! I suppose what I have missed out from the long conversations I mentioned earlier is the realisation that God has sent His Holy Spirit to live in us and lead us. No longer do we go anywhere on our own.

I remember being part of a young adult/workplace focussed missional community years ago when God first spoke to me about how much He wanted to come to work with me! My whole outlook on my work changed; I started looking to go on little adventures with God, and I can honestly say that it marked a turning point in seeing numerous opportunities to share Jesus with people and see them discipled in various ways.

2. We PARTNER WITH OTHERS

Why did Jesus bother to recruit 12 down-and-outs at the start of His ministry? Why did He send the apostles out in 2’s to the towns and cities ahead of Him (Luke 10)? Why did He get 2 people to fetch a donkey (Mark 14)?? There’s a common theme – we don’t work alone!

Again, I think choosing to partner with others in mission is one of the best things some of us as young adults have learned to do. Missional communities are about being on mission together! In our current community, we are really enjoying the opportunity to introduce our people of peace to each other and inviting them to join in more with the whole community, through various things that we do. Maybe it’s just me, but sharing the Good News with others and trying to disciple them can be really tiring and hard when I do it alone! I need other people to encourage, challenge and inspire me in mission. I’m fairly convinced that going alone also prevents people from experiencing the fullness of the Gospel message: God IS COMMUNITY – He shares 3 relationships within Himself – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They partner together in relationship with us and so when we go with others, we represent this to the world around us.

Two of the biggest giants that we have seen in young adult culture are probably individualism and consumerism. In essence, both of these are about putting “me” at the centre. What we have found is that if, as those trying to reach young adults, we buy into either of these 2 ways of thinking, we cease to be effective in mission. This is because mission isn’t about putting “me” at the centre – rather, it’s about God and others around us. So when we choose partnership it allows God’s natural grace for mission to flow and for others to experience God for who He really is – the One who is committed to relationship and adventure with others, no matter what. To a broken, lonely and frustrated generation, that’s incredibly Good News.

Who has God sent you to?

Are you partnering with Him?

Who are you taking with you as you go?

Simon Ford lives in Sheffield, is part of the King’s Centre Church and works for 3dm UK. He has been part of and led various young adult and workplace-focussed missional communities over the last 9 years.

A few months ago we looked at how communities and central gatherings can work together as one body.

Communities are the LIMBS on this body – the moving parts that give the body its mission-reach. They are also our primary place of belonging, making disciples and developing leaders.

We also looked at the first of our LIMBS values; the importance of being love and service-motivated.

L ove and service motivated
I ncarnational
M aking Disciples
B eing Family
S ent & Sending

This time I’d like us to explore our second key value – what it means to be an Incarnational people.

We know that Jesus left everything to come and live among us. His love was so great that the most powerful being in the universe made himself nothing – beginning life as a vulnerable and dependant baby and even as a grown man, he made himself the servant of all. He had 30 years of being among the people to whom he had been sent, before embarking on any public ministry. He took time to know the hearts and ways of the people He was revealing Himself to.

In the same way, Jesus told his disciples to “Go” and represent Him and preach the good news in all the world, making disciples of all nations/peoples – beginning in Jerusalem, (the most familiar place), extending to Judea and Samaria, and then to the ends of the earth. (Matt 28:16 & Acts 1:8)

The call to these first disciples was not to be content to just reach people who were very similar to them, but to be willing to move from their familiar culture and location and make disciples of people who were very different to them.

If they were to follow the example of Jesus, this would mean living amongst those to whom they were being sent, taking the attitude of servants by learning their culture and ways, and then living and communicating the good news in ways that were meaningful in that culture.

I would suggest this same call to incarnational mission has not changed. It may be that you are called to the equivalent of Jerusalem – to live, love, serve and incarnate the good news amongst people who are very like you – and to grow missional community there.

But it may also be that God is calling you to leave what is familiar to you and go and live among a people who are only a bit like you (Judea and Samaria), or not like you at all (the ends of the earth) – and grow community there.

Every generation needs people who are willing to pay the price and respond to the call to go to people who are not like them. God’s love in us compels us – God so loved that He gave, He sent, He came and dwelled among us – and it cost Him everything.

The Codinas and Nunns are a great example of this here at St Thomas’ Philadelphia in Sheffield. Charlotte, the Team Leader, has a PhD and could have gone anywhere and done anything as a young adult. However, she chose to move to a tiny terraced house in one of the poorest estates in Sheffield. She started with a Stomp Club (for 7-11’s), and now has a flourishing community with schools work, toddler groups and youth work all a part of it – all because she was willing to say, “Yes, I will go and live among that community and be good news to them.”

We are not all Charlottes, but that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to live these principles in smaller ways… For example – if you are a community of English students, God may ask you to welcome some international students into the family…If you are a community in suburbia, He may ask you to open your hearts and homes to a failed asylum seeker…It may be that one of your small groups can be sent out to begin a new community in a completely different context…

The most important thing is that we are willing to continually go and be among those we are trying to reach – and not get too comfortable where we are. I’d encourage you to ask God to show you how you can be a more effective incarnational missionary/community wherever you are.

Lindsay Lonchar leads the Missional Communities and Training Team at St Thomas’ Church Philadelphia in Sheffield and is also training to become a Baptist Minister.  

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Starting a Missional Community isn’t just a matter of going through a check list of tasks. There are practical steps that need to be taken as you begin, but they follow later in the process. As we have started MCs and helped others to start them the first thing we have done is ask a couple of questions. Those questions are:

Image courtesy of mack2happy / FreeDigitalPhotos.net